So we recently learned the ancestry of our lord and savior, Barack Hussein Obama. After an exhaustive and no doubt expensive geneology search including DNA evidence & Ouija Boards, the Associated Press reports magical concrete evidence that our dear president is not only the descendent of slaves but undeniable proof he descended from the very first American slave. He’s even more authentic & awesome that we thought!
Of course, it’s not until nearing the end of the article (you know, the part that no one reads), the wholly unbiased AP admits the links are weak at best and really can’t be proved. What’s important is that it could be true if one just wants it to be badly enough.
Hearing of this revelation the RGCA (Republican genealogical Committee of America) decided to conduct its own study on presidential nominee, Mitt Romney.
Here are the indisputable facts:
Washington was known to sleep in many places, if you know what I mean.
We’ve all seen the signs, “Washington Slept Here”.
Well it seems George Washington may have taken a secret trip down below, to Ole Mexico.
After Washington’s swift departure, most didn’t believe her, as she attempted to describe her tryst with George. She, however, retained proof of the affair. During the height of their night’s passion together, she got a splinter in her lip from one of George’s wooden teeth. The splinter, I hear, is still housed, under glass, in the Mexican museum of Antiquities.
The press of the day, hearing rumors upon Washington’s return to the states, asked him for comment. Was there any truth to the rumored affair with Mexican house girl Consuelo Romneskasketa? And what about this “Splinter”?
Washington’s purported answer was, “It depends on what the word, “Splinter” is.
They also discovered the origin of Mitt’s name, which is apparently American Indian. Being that Southwestern American Indians and Mexicans have a similar heritage this was not uncommon, nor a surprise to the highly skilled linguists of the RGCA.
The english translation is as follows:
Mitt was derived from the Indian Mittaskeshaw, meaning outsourcing.
The linguists claim Romney comes from the Indian Romneskasketa, meaning, capitalist exploiter.
I wasn’t aware the Native Americans language had such words, but I am not going to question the experts.
So, there you have it. Absolute proof. Obama = First American slave, Romney = Father of our country.